Deliberate Draw: Sage of Swords

First Impressions:  Cold logic, choosing logic over intuition

Book:  Born statesman, keen intellect, brilliant strategist, just but not merciful, despises everything that sounds emotional, can get wrapped up in his power

Guidance:  Act with authority, do not allow your head to overrule your heart

Journaling

My immediate thought on choosing this card is that logic is a cold place to live and that living only in logic leaves us in a voice devoid of love, romance, and all the amazing things that life has to offer.  However, in order to live in a life of beauty, wonder, and intuition we have to open our hearts to trust our intuition, ourselves, and other people and I am struggling to trust right now.  My bosses at work have made a decision that I don't believe is in my best interest and I've conveyed my concerns and people I trust will advocate for me, but that means I have to rely on others to essentially fight my battles for me and that is a difficult position to be in.

However, as I look at this card, I realize that I spend a lot of time living in the land of the king of swords as I choose to look at things through a veil of a warped type of logic and not operate from a position of trust.  This is a cold way to live, but I am terrified to trust my life to others.  I'm terrified to trust that others actually have my best interests at heart.  It also seems like no one can every prove enough that they have my best interest at heart.  One of the things I am realizing as I go through this situation is that not only am I struggling to trust others, I'm also struggling to trust myself.  My judgement on John was so flawed and I spent 22 years being stomped on over and over that it is hard to trust my judgement about other people.  I find it easier to trust myself about my future than to trust others in relation to my future.

Maybe I need to accept this as an opportunity to learn to trust and to let go of all my fear about other people screwing me over.  Maybe I just need to keep focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and let it all work itself out.  I also have to remember the question of whether I would rather be right or happy?  This guy seems to be right, but he certainly doesn't look happy.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful Sean is on his way home

I'm grateful I'm home this week

I'm grateful for the peaceful house

I'm grateful for cuddling with Wendy

I'm grateful for the yummy strawberry sorbest

I'm grateful for sleeping in my own bed