Chicory is an interesting plant for me because when I was growing up and we would go on trips with my grandmother, she would always point it out and call it Blue Ruin. As this was in the days before the internet, I had no way of looking it up to see why it was called that and she didn't know either. I did Google it, but couldn't find anything related to it being called Blue Ruin. Why that memory is important is that Chicory (Two of Air) in The Herbcrafter's Tarot is telling me to let go of long held beliefs and to let go of worn-out beliefs and one of the messages that my grandmother hammered into my head was that I needed a man to survive. Starting when I was about 14 or 15 every time I went to visit her, she would ask if I had a boyfriend yet and when I went to college, she wasn't interested in what I was learning or what was happening at school, all she cared about was whether or not I had a boyfriend.
She wasn't the only one that was drilling the message into my head that I needed a man to be whole, my parents were also sending that message. My father made it clear that the only degree he would pay for was an accounting degree because then I could support myself in the event that I had to. When I reflect upon that now, I'm realizing that the message was that supporting myself was a fall back plan because the ideal course of action would be to be supported by a man while I did the "housewifely" things like cooking and cleaning. Why would a woman ever want to support herself? My mother reinforced this idea by expecting everything I did in life to be about someone else. This continued up until the day I had had enough with her and cut her out of my life. That day came when I told her I was separating from my husband and her questions where "How are the kids?" and "There's not going to be a divorce, is there?" There was no concern for me or how I felt, instead it was (as it had always been) about everyone else.
I've worked hard in the last 10 years to learn that I am an amazing and awesome person all by myself and that I don't need someone to support me. That doesn't mean I don't want someone in my life, but it does mean that I've learned that I am a whole human being all by myself.
The Wise Leader reinforces this by reminding me that I can be a beacon for others and I can lead people. This has been a hard lesson for me as well as my father continually reminded me that women were not leaders, women should not be in a position of power over men. The last few years have been about coming into my own as a person and as a leader and I'm realizing that I am strong and that I can stand proud and lead people.
These were awesome cards and a good reminder for me to continue to let go of all the old and hateful lessons.
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