August 11, 2022
Deck: Secrets of the Rose Tarot
Card Name: Knave of Swords
First Impressions: Innocence, holding the sword gingerly, hand in his pocket, not rushing into battle, silly little boy
Book: Tale bearer, spy, rival, secret observation, conflict
Guidance: Eyes wide open
Journaling:
Where I'm At: It was a weird day today. I got a lot done, but then J from work called me around 6 and we talked for about an hour. Apparently, B. is in a panic thinking that I'm leaving. Kinda ironic as I know that I will have an offer on Monday and I do kind of have one foot out the door. I will not be treated with disrespect and have my credibility questioned. And his proposed path forward eviscerates my credibility. And the thing is that he does not even realize what he is doing.
This puts me in such a strange position because I've never had a boss panicking over me leaving before. It is a good feeling that he doesn't want to lose me, but it is also disappointing that I'm being asked to do all he emotional labor to explain why I'm upset. I think part of it is that he thinks my feelings are hurt and that I'm going to run off without something lined up. Yes my feelings are hurt, but I'm not some fucking fragile little flower. I know how to take care of myself because I've had to do it all my life. My feelings are hurt, but I manage them and he may think that I rushed off the meeting because I was pissed, but that isn't the case. I left because I had another meeting to go to and I'm not going to let my hurt feelings send me crying to a corner while a responsibility goes undone.
He's also thinking I'm leaving because I declined the stupid meeting with H. I have no desire to work for her as the projects she has going on are boring. There is no growth opportunity here and I have no interest in working at corporate. If he would have flipping asked me before he set this stupid meeting up, there would have been no issue. Or if G would have flipping told him that I was a big HELL NO on this before it got this far. He's been having discussions behind my back for 3 months when he wouldn't have wasted so much time if he would have just asked me if I was interested.
Weather:
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous 100%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:29/8:32
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July 7, 2022
Deck: Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot
Card Name: Nymph of Swords
First Impressions: I don't like this card. I always hate cards where women are gratuitously naked and the whole little snakeskin apron is stupid. I also don't like the transition from page to nymph.
Book: Thought before action, new ideas, observe, analyze, perspective
Guidance: trust that tapping into your higher self before acting hastily serves your cause
Journaling:
So this is gonna be a rant because this is a stupid card. If the nymph is about starting out on a journey, why is she naked? And that is not me being a prude, it is a legitimate question because who starts a journey through the woods naked? That is asking to be hurt. And if she is gonna be naked, be naked and don't wear a stupid apron. If this card isn't a sexualized card, I don't know what is. If you're gonna show her naked, show her naked. Don't do this halfway thing.
Where I'm At: I'm hanging out at home. It was a good day today. I took Wendy to the vet and she has an ear infection, which sucks but I'm happy I have the money to pay for it and the doctor says she will be okay. Then I took the dingles for a walk when I got home. Clark was so adorably wiggly that I couldn't refuse to take him.
Weather: The weather is gorgeous tonight. It was the perfect temperature and the sun is shining brightly.
Moon Phase: First Quarter 54%
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:58 / 9:04
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Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: Floating away, lost in a book, coming down to earth
Book: Thirst for information, an apprentice, being tested or judged, a time to let go of worry
Guidance: Keep the lightbulb of curiosity turned on
Journaling:
I love the reminder to continue being curious. There are times when I get so stressed out and school seems like so much work, but then I remember that I am learning so much and becoming a more informed person. For the most part, I love the research but I have been so stressed lately and work has been such a grind that I've felt like I don't have the time or energy for learning, but school is sacred and it is something that normally brings me joy. I need to figure out how to let go of the things that don't bring me joy so that I have the time and energy for school.
Where I'm At: It's been a long day as I had a meeting until 7 and Cam did not get off until 10 which meant we ate super late.
Weather: It was about 50 out
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous 91%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:38 am / 7: 33 pm
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March 3, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: I love this card because for me it is saying that books can lift you up and take you out of your ordinary world. They do that by feeding imagination and providing knowledge.
Book: Restless energy, thirst for information, ideas and reasoning, old ideals destroyed
Guidance: Exciting page of swords energy to help answer the question of where I'm going
Journaling:
This is another card about using logic to figure out where I'm going instead of relying on my heart. My gut reaction is to always go to my heart to figure out what the next step is, but the cards lately have been telling me to trust my brain. My brain says that the logical course of action for now is to stay where I'm at. My salary helps me to pay the bills and gives me a great lifestyle. I'm also actually making progress on getting my bills paid off. However, my heart doesn't like that answer as I would rather ditch the job and move into something that feeds my soul.
My health is also a reason to stay at nestle as my drugs are flipping expensive and right now my insurance pays for them.
Where I'm At: It was a quiet evening at home. Wendy wasn't feeling well so I stayed with her and worked to help her feel better.
Weather: Cold and crisp
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent 1%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:58 am / 6:19 pm
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February 9, 2022
Deck: Tarot of the Divine
First Impressions: Climbing high, listening to guidance from the little birdie, tenacity, doing whatever it takes
Book: Harbinger of new beginning and new ideas, optimism, energy, thoughtfulness, curiosity
Guidance: Use wit to succeed where others have failed
Journaling:
I'm mostly in a good place today as I had good meetings and I got a lot done, but I'm also feeling stuck. Other people get to move into other roles and I'm stuck. I'm also not happy that Glenn says he's going to roll out the Digital Committee that I spearheaded. It's that battle with my ego again. At the end of the day, I get paid so it isn't a huge deal, but I hate the thought that other people think I suck because I'm stuck.
And there's the rub, it is all about my ego and what other people think of me. I really shouldn't give a rat's ass what other people think and be satisfied with that I do for the sake of doing it. To a certain extent I am satisfied because i get to use my curiosity to see what i can make happen, but at the same token, it isn't fair if other people take credit for my ideas.
The truth of the matter is I'm feeling stuck because I don't like working for someone else. I want to have the creativity to do research and to feed my soul. I think I need to start a novena and just keep putting it out there.
Where I'm At: I'm at home this week and am in a fairly good space. The house is still messy and needs work, but since Mercury Retrograde is gone, I'm feeling better.
Mood: I'm in a good mood today. I got stuff done at work
Weather: it is cold and crisp outside with the temp being 44 degrees. It looks like a lot of the snow has melted.
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous, 59%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:29 PM / 5:52 PM
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August 12, 2019
First Impressions: Learning, knowledge, intellectual
Book: Harmonious symmetry
Guidance: Open your mind to new ideas, messages come through learning that are a catalyst for change
Journaling
Meeting Heather was such a godsend because it was so much easier to show up since I had already met someone. I was also thrilled to see such an amazing group gather. Today was truly a day about opening my mind to new ideas and realizing how intellectual learning stimulates my emotional learning. I was also so pleased that there were people who were actually interested in my background and thought that I had something to contribute.
What is so amazing is that it truly does feel as if I'm found my niche where I belong and where I can actually add value to the world. I think part of what I'm feeling right now is that I'm not learning, growing, and adding unique value to the world. Being at this conference was truly all about learning and figuring out new pathways. I don't know what those new pathways are yet, but I do know that I'm definitely changing.
I'm grateful for seeing the beautiful moon
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