August 19, 2022
Card Name: Ten of Coins
First Impressions: I love the cornucopia as it truly gives the sense of plenty. I don't like the fact that there are no people on this card as it is about a sense of plenty and a sense of family.
Book: Prosperity, benign wealth, secure home life, inheritance and family, settled ways, riches, house, property
Guidance: Count your blessings
Journaling:
The biggest blessing in my life is my family. Together we take care of each other and try to help each other get through the day. It isn't always easy and sometimes we don't get along. But it is really nice to have people in my life who actually care about me and are there for me.
I am also incredibly grateful for the Covid vaccine. I got sick, but I know that it would have been so much worse if I hadn't been vaccinated. Even though I got the hacking coughs a couple of times, I know that I literally could have died if it wasn't for the vaccine.
Where I'm At: I'm home today and I tested positive for Covid. I saw those two little dread lines come up and I knew it was going to be a sucky PTO.
Weather: It was rainy off and on all day. I sat outside for a while, but it was mostly rainy and the dogs didn't even really want to go out. I was also sick so I rested off and on all day.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 13%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:37 / 8:21
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July 12, 2022
Deck: Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot
First Impressions: This is an odd card for the Ten of Pentacles as most TOP cards are all about family and about both love and money.
Book: Wealth, success, security, generations, contribution, content
Guidance: Celebrate gratitude for all the paths that have brought you to this place of blessing
Journaling:
I love the reminder to celebrate gratitude. When I look at all the blessings I have had in my life, I have to count even the shitty people and shitty situations as blessings as I have learned something from every person I have encountered. Some of them, like Bitch M, reflect my younger and less informed self. Others, like John, represent different points of view and different ways of thinking. However, all of them have helped me learn something.
I'm also grateful for the fact that I can provide for my family and make sure they have a nice home, food to eat, etc. I have truly been blessed in my life and even though the difficult times, I've had blessings. I was actually thinking about that this week and about how much having money makes life easier. When I travel, I know that if I get stuck all I have to do is pull out the credit card and I will have a place to stay and food to eat. That makes life so much easier.
Where I'm At: I woke up in KC and had to drive to Trenton. I slept so deeply after my crappy travel day, but I had the weirdest dream. Puck from Glee literally shitting on me. And then I woke up and got shit on as the Incompetent B. told the Evil M that he needed something from me so the Evil M could not tell me what he needed. She had to set up a meeting to insert herself in the process. However, I fixed that and gave him what he needed and cut her out of the loop. Then I sent a passive aggressive email that made him see the error of his ways in telling her something instead of telling me directly. However, I might end up paying for it when Glenn gets back.
Weather: It's hot and muggy
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous, 98
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:54 / 8:45
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May 18, 2022
Deck: Tarot of Little Secrets
First Impressions: Family, security, having enough, people who love you
Book: Stability, rooted, strong community
Guidance: Rooted and tended, the fruits appear
Journaling:
This is an interesting card to pull today as Glenn and I talked and he asked some really weird questions about when I'd be ready to roll of Intelex and I finally just asked him if he was planning to move me to another role and he said he wasn't planning to, but someone above Brian's head was. By the questions he was asking, it seemed as if the job might be in Arizona and I had to think about whether or not I would move and the answer was no. I like where I live and I don't really want to move for a company. I've also never been when of those people who just randomly moves where the company tells me to move. That's never been my style. There has to be something in it for me.
I know the kids and I are talking about moving, but that will be a place of our choosing and not somewhere I'm ordered to move to. I'm just not into moving where the company tells you to go. My life is mine and work is only about the dollas!
Where: I went into the office today as Candies wanted us at a meeting so I went in for an hour, but since Tiffany was in the office, we hung out and it was overall a good day. Then I came home and hung out.
Weather: It was a little chilly and cold today, but not bad
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous, 92%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:02 /8:42
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May 11, 2020
The ten of earth for me is a reminder to be grateful for all of the blessings that I have in the physical realm. It is a reminder to be grateful for my home, my family, my dogs, and all the things that I have been blessed with. It is also a good reminder that as Tosha Silver says, "It's not my money," because in reality it all comes from the source and it really doesn't belong to me. What I've been finding as I get deeper into a life of prosperity consciousness is that I'm a lot less fearful and life seems to flow. I know there are some that would say that it is easy for me to be grateful and let life flow because I have a lot of physical assets and that's true. However, there have also been times in my life when I've been broke and it seemed like the harder I held onto money the more it slipped through my fingers. When I was able to let go and trust Higher Power that I would be taken care of, life flowed.
The other piece of the ten of earth is that it is a connection to all who have gone before. I think sometimes those of us who have grown up without the best familial role models dislike cards connect us to our families. However, that is limited thinking as the reality is that our families are really all those who have gone before and we need to remember that our ancestors go back to those who we know and came remember. When I expand my view, I'm reminded that I can take guidance from my immediate ancestors, but also other role models. Frida Kahlo is one of my role models and when I look to my ancestors, I can look to her strength as a feminine role model.
My oracle card for the day was Taking Shelter which is all about pulling my energy inward and creating shelter within my own surroundings. It's also a pretty appropriate card to draw right now as we are all sheltering in place.
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Book: Journey through the physical realm
Guidance: Experience Ecstasy through a journey through the physical realm
Journaling
This is an interesting interpretation of the ten of pentacles, but it sort of makes sense as the ten does represent the culmination of the journey. When I look at it as a journey, I realize it is about accepting the blessings that are offered and making the most of them. For me, I've learned that the money and the stuff are not the be all and end all, they are the things that ease the journey and I don't want to give them up, but they are not important in and of themselves. I'm very happy that I have a home and nice things because they are a way to provide for my family, but in and of themselves they don't matter that much. The unfortunate thing is that some people use money as a way to keep score and they become miserable in wanting to accumulate more and more, but money in and of itself is not that important.
Money is what lets us take care of the people that we love and that lets us have some freedom. There are people who believe that money isn't important, but I don't believe that either because money lets us do things and lets us live a more comfortable life. I know that we are living a better life because I make more money, but money is important because it lets us do that and not as a measurement itself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that money is a tool and not an end to itself.
The other piece about this card that is important is the aspect of family and of having people around you to share what you have. For me, that is my kids, but for Lisa on this card it is her dance group. Either way, it is about having people in your life who you trust and who are there for you.
First Impressions: Peace, contentment, magic
Book: Satisfaction of having all our needs met, celebrate abundance with friends and loved ones, everyday life contains magic
Guidance: Think about your legacy, honor the everyday magic
Journaling
I love the reminder to honor the everyday magic in the world. I think so often we get caught up in thinking about special occasions and about big trips, that we forget about the magic in perfect strawberries, or laughing with our families. For me, learning to appreciate the magic in everyday has come from learning to live an inward focused life instead of an outward focused life. My life is about me and I'm good enough just the way that I am. I don't need to live in a perfect house, have a perfect job, or have a perfect mate to be worthy of good stuff (love, money, etc,). I am truly perfect just the way I am and I deserve to be happy. Getting to that point has taken a hell of a lot of work, but now that I'm here I can really appreciate MY life without comparing it to anyone else's.
Cam and I went to Macy's yesterday as I was looking for a new phone wallet and the song "Dance with Somebody who loves me" came on and I was dancing with Cam. That was a huge moment for me because instead of the song making me sad and reminding me that I don't have that one someone in my life, it made me happy because I do have people in my life who love me and are there for me. That was huge for me in just accepting that love that is in my life. And today, we went to Lakewood and went to the Beach Cliffs park and we just sat and watched the waves, it wasn't a huge big event, but it made us both happy.
I'm realizing that the true point of life is about being happy and being comfortable in your own skin. I'm also incredibly happy that I'm finally at that point in my life where I am able to be comfortable in my own skin.
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First Impressions: Stability, happy and prosperous home
Book: This could relate to family matters. This card is about getting what you want and reveling in it
Guidance: Appreciate what you have, keep plugging away
Journaling
This is an interesting card and I'm not sure how to read it. What my heart is telling me is that this represents a happy and successful love relationship. I'm currently a 9 of pentacles, a single and successful woman, but this card brings in that loving partnership that I desire. This card is about the culmination and the partnership.
However,looking at it this way makes me feel something in my life is lacking and there really isn't. Overall, I'm happy and it is nice to be able to make decisions on my own. It could also mean that family issues are coming to a head. Could it be something to do with Charlene? That s also a possibility and that's more shit I don't want to deal with.
I guess I just need to let go and see what happens because the reality is that until I know more, there is nothing I can do.
December 27, 2018
One of the most important lessons I've learned over the past year is that family comes in all shapes and sizes and that the most important aspects are love, happiness, and stability. I feel like over the past eight years, the kids and I have really built a happy and stable home where everyone feels safe. I'm not messing around and delaying getting home because I don't want to deal with his anger and rage. His anger and depression were a thing onto themselves and they really fueled the energy in the home. It always felt like pins and needles walking in the door and I never knew what kind of reaction I was going to get.
Now, I know that there isn't all the anger and hate and rage. Sometimes the energy at home gets kind of wonky, but mostly it is calm and peaceful. I like coming home and knowing that I am safe. Living with John, I never knew if I was going to be safe. There was sure to be some kind of putdown or anger.
The day I really knew how much he was negatively impacting me was the day before his heart attack. He was downtown on his mini vacation and I was out doing my own thing. The thing I remember about that day is how free and happy I felt because I knew that I was going home to a safe space because he wasn't there to put me down and hurt me. At first I felt guilty when he had his heart attack, but I've realized that there is nothing for me to feel guilty about. He brought this all on himself and I don't need to feel guilty about not wanting to be around someone who was angry and abusive.
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First Impressions: Wealth, stability
Book: Wisdom accumulated from families, passing on wisdom
Guidance: Listen to what ancestors have to say
Journaling
Sometimes I am so jealous of people who have big families as it means having people you can rely on in your life and I don't really have anyone I can rely on. STOP! I am done with that message that the line of thinking that keeps me not trusting anyone and keeps me locked in a solitary prison of my own creation. There are people who will support me and care for me. I just have to put down my shields and let people in. I have to trust. Part of my being able to trust is keeping myself focused on the page. I do so much better when I am kamikazi personal growth mode because I am continuing to batter down the doors. It is when I stop journaling and stop making time for me that I struggle. Big groups are difficult for me because I struggle when I do not get enough time alone. I just need to focus on the things that help me grow.
December 25, 2018
It's funny because I was thinking about the topic of having a kamikazi approach to life this week and I realized that it is not just my personal growth that I take that approach to, it is everything. And I cannot do that with everything in my life or I burn myself out. I've realized that I need to find the balance that is right for me in life. For me, that is about 75 percent time alone to do my own thing and about 25 percent of the time with people. Any more people time than that and I am unhappy and cranky. I also know that for me one on one time or small groups works better than big groups. I feel lost in big groups.
I think the bottom line is that I need an approach that works for me. When I try an approach that works for others, it might not work for me.
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| Ten of Earth Dark Goddess Tarot |
Book: Kin and Kind, living and dead are all part of one another, totality of the earth in all its variety and appearances, Goddess of morality and judgement, keeper of customs and laws.
Guidance: Let relationships go as needed, do not seek vengeance, celebrate good fortune, celebrate those whose work you admire, keep and renew your relationship with the earth
Journaling:
This reading hits where I'm at today about the need to let go of people without vengeance. It is about shedding the ties that no longer should be binding us. My tie to John is a big one as he hurt me badly. I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamed we were sleeping together and he made an amorous advance. Initially, I responded to him, but then my dream rewound and I asked him if he loved me or if I was just convenient. When he didn't respond, I knew everything I needed to know. This helped me to realize that our issues were not all about me and that he really does see women as objects.
January 20, 2018
As I read this, I'm realizing that my relationship with the earth also needs to include my relationship with my body. This was an incredibly hard week and I lost my connection to both the earth and myself. I spent most of my week in my head dealing with issues and lost track of the world around me. I didn't make time to go to the ocean or to ground myself and I'm paying the price. This week may be just as insane, but I need to make time to ground and take care of myself.
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Book: Emotional loss, loss of belongings, home life is not fulfilling, no sense of fulfillment
Guidance: Focus on love, be open
Journaling
This was a good reminder that it isn't all about money. it is important to focus on emotional fulfillment as well as financial fulfillment. I think we did that by going out to dinner and having a nice evening out. The carriage ride was the icing on the cake and it was awesome to learn about our city from someone who really gets it.
May 27, 2018
I'm realizing that like with all things there needs to be a balance between money and emotions. I always thought that John and I were happy, but I'm realizing that being poor kept us together. We were both so worried about being broke, that it was easier to stay together than to contemplate being single and broke. The house was what truly broke us apart because we really could not afford it and it exposed all of the cracks in our relationship.
Interestingly enough, I'm making so much more money now and I feel so much more secure than I did when I had to rely on John to pay his half of the bills. He was never very reliable and deep down inside I knew it, but I kept lying to myself about his reliability and I kept believing his lies. I remember when we were really struggling and he kept refusing to get a job. Or when he had a job and he quit because he didn't like it and didn't do anything to get a new one.
Looking back, I realize that he was suffering anxiety and depression then, but he refused to admit it. He was so much better at self medicating than facing his problems and doing what needed to be done. Even though I know that he was depressed and struggling, it is still hard for me to feel compassion for him because he chose not to do the right thing and he chose to make us all pay for his depression.
There is a part of me that feels like I will never trust anyone again because I am afraid of being taken advantage of, but that is not a good way to live. I need to accept that I am stronger now and I am in a much better place than I was eight years ago.
Deck: Herbal Tarot
Be open and share. Let the universe know you are ready and quit looking at this as a commercial endeavor.
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