September 8, 2022
First Impressions: I love this card as she is actively drinking out of a cup as she heads off into the sunset. While most eight of cups cards give the impression that the figure is walking away from something, this one definately gives the impression she is walking toward something.
Book: I fully honor my worth. I am powerful and ready for change.
Guidance: I am worthy of health and happiness
Journaling:
I absolutely love the message on this card and it is perfect for today as I walk away from a nasty situation. I keep asking myself if I caused this situation and the answer is no. I did what I was supposed to do and it is not my fault that the leadership team failed. They failed so many ways and so many times it is almost funny. However, I do know that Brian got his ass handed to him by the TPLT. I also know that his karma is not responsibility. I fulfilled my responsibility by speaking my truth. What happens to him now is up to the universe. I also know that the universe really does take care of situations.
My only responsibility now is to walk off into my own sunset and my own happiness. I don't know what my long term path is, but I do know that I have to walk my own path. And I have to stop spending so much time worrying about everyone else's path. I also have to step back and put things into perspective. In the long term, this bullshit with the computer is not a big deal. PPL is not going to hold me responsible and the thing is that they should have sent it sooner. However, there is nothing I can do about that either so I'm just going to let go and do what I need to do today and trust that it is all going to be okay.
Where I'm At: I'm at home today finishing up my last bit of work. It is sort of bittersweet a there is a lot of things I've enjoyed at The Nest, but I won't stay while Asshole Brian actively humiliates me. Homey don't need this garbage. However, on a positive front, I had a ls
Weather: It was a beautiful day out today, but i didn't get to enjoy it because I had so much to do.
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous 95%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:58 / 7:49
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June 19th, 2022
Deck: Intuitive Goddess
First Impressions: Cups sharing energy, walking away, full moon, sadness
Book: Transition, disappointment, letting go, space, rest
Guidance: Take a break and breathe
Journaling:
I have received so many messages lately about taking a break and figuring out what's next. I love that message and it is so what I need right now. I don't like my current job, but I have enough money to pay my bills and I'm not working a million hours. The other thing that is interesting right now is that I have a lot of time for my self as the kids are both working nights. I have time to read, to play, and to figure out what I want in life. That's a good feeling and I know that for me in order to figure out what's next, I need to clear away all the emotional and physical clutter. I'm starting with the physical clutter as getting rid of that will help me to get rid of the emotional clutter.
I actually saw Yemaya last night for the first time in ages and it was so comforting. She told me that she still loves me and that it is not the clutter keeping me from her, but my fear that the clutter was keeping me from her. She also reminded me that no one woke up in a disgusting house and that no one woke up a hoarder. It was saving one magazine, then a few more, etc. etc. She said that I need to clean on a regular basis so that my house doesn't become a hoarder's house. I can't necessarily do anything about Sean, but I can keep taking small steps to keep the house clean.
Where I'm At: I'm home today and it is so nice out. I've got the windows open and turned off the air. I'm sitting in front of the new window and it is so awesome to have the window open and feel the cool air
Weather: It is absolutely a perfect summer day. It is just about 70 and there is a nice breeze.
Moon Phase: Waning gibbous, 68%
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:50/ 9:04
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June 7, 2022
Deck: Tarot of Little Secrets
First Impressions: Symmetry, watching the moon, mountains,
Book: Ending, moving on, journey, transition
Guidance: Nothing is truly lost, only transformed
Journaling:
This is an interesting card as it makes me think of turning my back on things and walking away. What I'm realizing about endings is that they are not always clear cut. They are sometimes a little fuzzy like the ending of my friendship with B. I love that guy and he helped me tremendously. However, he made a comment once that eventually we would drift apart and I didn't believe him because I thought we'd always have something between us. However, I realize now that he made that comment because he knew himself. He knew that he was bad about maintaining friendships so what he was really saying is that I'm bad about maintaining friendships so eventually you will either have to do all the work or our friendship will be over.
And he was right because eventually there came a point where I grew tired of doing all the emotional labor to maintain the friendship. I grew tired of always having to make the phone calls, always having to plan the lunch dates, always having to be the one that texts. I find it interesting because he always complained about his friendships ending and other people not reaching out, but he never reaches out and I know that he never reached out to other people. He just led the friendships drift away. There is a part of me that is sad that our friendship died, but I'm going to be grateful for what we had, be grateful for the fact he was there for me when I really needed a friend and just let go.
Weather: It is hot and gross out. I'm glad I'm in the factory today because it is just disgusting out there.
Moon Phase: First Quarter
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:27 /8:27
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May 4, 2022
Deck: Tarot of Little Secrets
First Impressions: Asian, Moon and Sun, Watching the waves
Book: Ending, moving on, journey, transition
Guidance: Nothing is truly lost, only transformed
Journaling:
Interesting card to pull as I'm in Chicago and there is a big part of me feeling the tug back to old places. I didn't even reach out to Blaze or Scott while I was there and I deliberately didn't post pictures on Facebook because I didn't want anyone to ask why I hadn't reached out. I love the city, but it's not home anymore. I didn't even want to drive to any of my old stomping grounds. I didn't drive through Bridgeport. I didn't drive up Michigan Ave. I just didn't feel like it. I guess the truth is that I know that part of my life is behind me.
Where: I'm in Chicago. It was a long day today as I had a lot of meetings and had to be "on" this morning at the plant. I came back to my hotel, worked a little on work instructions and went to bed early.
Weather: It was chilly, but not cold.
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent 12
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:40 am / 7:53 pm
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Book: Feel your feelings
Guidance: Immerse yourself in your feelings until you can feel them
Journaling
Actually feeling your feelings is something that I learned when I was in Al-Anon as until that time I had ignored my feelings because it was too painful and scary to actually acknowledge what I was feeling. I also know that during my marriage everything was rage as I was so angry all the time. I didn't realize that I was actually feeling sadness, grief, fear, and a host of other emotions until I was out of the situation. It was when I started going to Al-Anon and hearing people talk about feeling their feelings that I realized that ignoring my feelings only meant that I was constantly feeling rage and anger because I was afraid of the "weaker" emotions like grief, sadness, and fear. In some ways, it was just easier to puff myself up with anger than to acknowledge that I was afraid my marriage would not last, that I was feeling shame over who I was, and that I was grieving the perfect life I thought I was going to have. Anger also allowed me to avoid responsibility for my life as I could say that everyone else made me angry without looking at what I was responsible for.
I remember sitting on the steps of the Pabst Mansion in Milwaukee crying as I started to feel sadness, grief, and other emotions for what might have been the first time. They were still painful and uncomfortable, but actually feeling the real emotions instead of just anger let me process them and by acknowledging them, I was able to work through why I was feeling what I was feeling. That day was a big step in my healing and it helped me to understand what people meant when they said I needed to feel my feelings. This card reminds me that I need to feel what I'm feeling without being judgmental and beating myself up for whatever I'm feeling. It's okay to feel shame, it's okay to feel fear, and it is okay to feel grief. What I've found is that sitting with my feelings and really identifying them does help me to work through them. Writing them out or sharing them with honest statements that say "I feel..." are also very liberating.
Sitting with your feelings is incredibly hard, but when you learn to do it, it really does make your life better.
Deck: Gaian tarot
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