September 16, 2022
First Impressions: I love this version of the Tower as it feels safe and if the person is rising about the problems instead of being destroyed by them.
Book: I was made for this storm. I embrace change and connect more deeply with my divinity.
Guidance: Embrace change and trust in the opportunity and life energy it brings
Journaling:
I have difficulties embracing change and I also know that I struggle to look at each step as a step in the process and not the end state. I know that this is not the end state for me. My end state will be something that works more closely with people and helps them change their lives instead of working for corporations.
I do know that I need to be open to each place I end up as a stop and not the final destination. I learned so much from Glenn as he did a really good job of getting the best out of everyone. He had definitive personalities on his team, but he worked with them. The only thing he really wasn't successful with was getting M to STFU! That girl loves to make it all about her. I'm wondering if Glenn let her do that and viewed it as the price to pay for the good things she brought. I'm also wondering how much control he actually had over what she did as Asshat seemed to think she was awesome. There are take aways there for me for sure. I also really enjoyed the mentoring I did and that is something I will carry forward.
Where I'm At: I'm in Erie this week and hanging out in a hotel. Unfortunately, the ragweed count is high and I'm feeling pretty sick. My head and throat are killing me. I'm going to take some more pills and go to bed soon.
Weather: It was pretty nice today. The weather was the perfect temperature.
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 73%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:05/ 7:37
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July 8, 2022
Deck: Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot
Card Name: Revolution
First Impressions: I love this card. She is so bold and forward thinking and I love how the building and the flag are overlaid. This card truly speaks to burning shit down to make change.
Book: See Below
Guidance: See Below
Journaling:
Living in a country that was born of revolution makes our current times seem weird. On the one hand, we believe in and celebrate our founders who forged this country in blood and bullets, but on the other we are taught to accept the rule of law and that our country has put in process to make sure revolution isn't necessary. I abhor what the Jan 6 rioters did because they were acting on lies. However, there is a part of me that can understand being so angry that you do not see another course of action. The illegitimate SCOTUS is tearing down everything this country was built on and taking away people's rights and there is a part of me that believes they need to be paraded in the streets and tarred and feathered for their actions. And after the assholes took away a woman's right to a private medical decision, then the asshats are demanding their privacy. How hypocritical!
There is a part of me that just wants to go away and live somewhere where I don't have to interact with anyone and can pretend all this bullshit isn't happening.
Where I'm At: I'm at home with the doggos. I should have had summer Fridays, but I had a meeting with Modesto at 4 pm. I about broke down in the grocery store today as I'm so upset about all the crap going on in the world.
Weather: It isn't horrible out today. Cam said it was super humid, but it didn't feel that bad out when I went out a bit ago
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous 65%
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:58/9:03
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June 14, 2022
Deck: Intuitive Goddess Tarot
Card Name: Revolution
First Impressions: Fighting with everything you have, women's march, doing what you can for what you want
Book: Disruption, evolution, start anew, dismantle, transformation
Guidance: Dismantle systems that are not working
Journaling:
Dismantling systems that aren't working is always good advice, but the problem is that the people who are in power are fighting back against dismantling those systems. There is so much systematic racism in this country and systematic misogyny, I don't even know how to begin to dismantle it. The problem is that for individual women or people of color, it is advantageous to go along with the discrimination and "be one of the boys" as that will improve an individual's position. However, the truth of the matter is that a person who is different can never be one of the boys. They will tolerate you and they will use you, but they will never truly consider you an equal. That is the sad truth of the matter.
I know that women are always treated differently because we are "too emotional" or "too something." I also know that women have to prove they can do a job before they get it and work for less or do the job with a lesser title, but men are given opportunities because they have potential. I wish I knew how to change the world and to make things better for everyone else, but I don't. I will be honest and say that there is a big part of me that just wants to walk away and take care of me and mine. I think I'm just too tired for revolution.
Where I'm at: I'm at home today and the weather isn't bad so I'm spending time hanging out outside with the doggos. It was a full strawberry moon today, but it was overcast so we couldn't see it
Weather: It was actually nice today. The weather really awesome for hanging out side with the dogs
Moon Phase: Full Moon
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:50 / 9:02
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Deck: Tarot of Little Secrets
First Impressions: I really like this card because it shows not only the tower falling, but also fire and a flood. To me this card represents "when it rains, it pours" and the fact that it often seems like all the bad stuff happens at once.
Book: Upheaval, adversity, ego death, chaos, fall from grace
Guidance: the screw turns regardless, jump or fall
Journaling:
This is an interesting card and meaning. On first glance, I am reminded that some times semi-bad things happen so that worse things do not. I've always known that when weird travel snafus happen I need to pay attention to the because I could be being forced to take a different path so that worse things (like an accident) don't happen. I have no clue why my travel was so screwed up, but I have learned to never push too hard when things go wrong.
However, as I read this, I am struck by the phrase ego death. I have been working with my ego a lot lately and working to let go of how my ego keeps me trapped. I'm not sure what the solution is and there is a part of me that feels like ego is not a bad thing as it helps me to realize that i do deserve things and I do deserve to be loved.
Where: I'm in Trenton, MO. Today was an interesting day as I was planning to fly out of Cleveland, but then my flight was delayed and there wasn't enough time to get from gate to gate in Detroit so I just drove to Detroit and left from there.
Weather: My drive to Detroit was horrendous as I hit rain and hail. However, once I got to MO, it was pretty clear.
Moon Phase: Waning, Gibbous 90%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:28 am / 7:58 pm
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March 15, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: Homeless, destruction, not understanding what is happening
Book: Change thrust upon you, rug pulled out from under you, beliefs challenged, shift in the matrix, chaos of change
Guidance: Trust that you will be held
Journaling:
Trust in the universe and in the divine is difficult right now as I watch the images playing out on the screen of people who were going about their everyday lives and got bombed. There are days when I think nothing is going to work out and that life is a huge stinking pile of shit. There are days it feels so meaningless and as if nothing that I do will make a difference. However, then I see a kindness play out and I am reminded that there is good in this world. And that good keeps me getting up in the morning and remembering that there are people who do good work and there are people who care.
Where I'm At: I'm at home and just about ready to go to bed. My head is throbbing as it has been for about the last week. I don't know what's going on, but I am really struggling lately. I manage to make it through work, then my head just pounds.
Weather: It was about 50 today and while it was a little overcast, it was not a bad day.
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous 85%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:40 am / 7: 32 pm
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- January 2, 2022
Deck: Tarot of the Divine
First Impressions: Falling, Rapunzal, Brambles
Book: Massive change, upheaval,
Guidance: Beliefs are shattered and understandings are ruptured
Journaling:
NO NO NO. I do not need any more upheaval in my life. The last two years have been hell and I don't need any more change. The past two years have truly been hell and I don't want the foundation knocked out from under me again. That is my gut reaction to pulling this card, however I also know that good things can come out of having your beliefs shattered as it can lead to a whole new life.
One of the beliefs that I'm pondering right now is whether or not a "real job" is required to survive in the world. I was brought up to believe that in order to survive you needed to anchor your fortune to that of a company, but I'm starting to wonder if that is the truth or just a lie that the patriarchy tells us to control us.
Something else I am contemplating as I read this card is whether or not the tower card is really about the sudden and clear clarity that comes as a flash of light. The clarity that comes when there is nothing hidden and you can see for miles.
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September 11, 2019
Deck: Tarot de St. Croix
First Impressions: Falling, grief, collapse
Book: Something new can be built, change will bring release from habitual patterns that no longer serve us
Guidance: Old structures fall down bringing release from old patterns
Journaling
I chose the tower today because it is the day that the towers fell and 18 years after that event, I'm realizing that the falling of the towers was not just a terrorist attack on the United States, I'm also realizing that in some ways the falling of the towers represented the fall of the patriarchy, the fall of our hubris, the release of our arrogance. America has always been a place that prides itself on its openness and acceptance and while the towers falling brought out some of the best of humanity, it also brought out some of the worst. We had Sikhs and Muslims attacked because people could not separate the fact from the fantasy and could not accept that people other than Christians could be peace loving.
Trump represents the worst of us and I believe he is deepening the tower times as his policies are harming so many people. However, I believe that ultimately the message of the tower will be reinforced and there will be something else we are able to build on the ashes of what we have now. There is so much ugliness and pain, but I think that exposing the layers of ugliness will help us clean out the old and the nasty and create a new world.
Never Forget!
Gratitudes
I'm grateful people still remember 09/11
I'm grateful for the beautiful day
I'm grateful for the pizza
I'm grateful for getting to go home a day early
I'm grateful for the beautiful Chicago skyline
I'm grateful for driving down LSD in a little red convertible
I'm grateful for a hug from Scott
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May 23, 2019
Deck: World Spirit Tarot
First Impressions: Change forced up on us, dramatic change
Book: Having our self delusion torn away, release from a stagnant condition,
Guidance: If you haven't learned the hard way, chances are that something major needs to shift, be prepared for guidance from unexpected sources
Journaling
Sometimes when we do not have the courage to take a leap of faith out of a bad situation as the Fool asks us to do, the world crumbles around us and we are left in a pile of rubble that has us questioning the meaning of our life. For me this happened when my now ex-husband announced four months after a life altering heart attack that he was moving out. I was devastated because I had spent 22 years twisting myself into knots to be the person he wanted me to be. I felt as if my security was ripped of its foundations and I was left floundering. I was no longer a wife and it felt as if all of my worth had been taken from me.
Fast forward nine years and I'm truly happier than I've every been in my life as I own my own beautiful home, my two kids live with me, I have an interesting and challenging dog, I have two pit bulls playing and bringing me joy, and I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm not trying to fit myself into someone else's idea of who I should be. As I look back on my marriage, I realize that it was an angry and hateful place to be and not a place of love and support. My ex-husband's undiagnosed mental health issues meant that he was incapable of being loving and supporting. I didn't realize exactly how on edge and stressed I was for most of my marriage and the first few years after my divorce, it felt uncomfortable to be peaceful and not have that stress in my world. However, I've become acclimated and I've learned that peace is a wonderful place to be.
As I reflected on this card yesterday, the twin towers came up over and over and over. I'd catch snippets on the tv about the twin towers, two of my assignments for class talked about the twin towers, and those images played over and over on the tv and in my head. It made me think about whether there was a greater cosmic meaning to the towers than a single act of hate. I've realized they were about shaking us out of our complacency and forcing us to confront the ugliness and hate in our world.
Card Name: Lightening, pulled reversed
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